Starting the Year Strong: Nurturing Connection and Calming Your Nervous System
As we step into the new year, many of us feel a mix of hope and uncertainty. It’s a time to set intentions, but it’s also easy to feel overwhelmed by the pressures of “starting fresh.” From the perspective of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), the key to starting the year off well isn’t about setting lofty resolutions—it’s about deepening your connection to yourself and the people who matter most. Let’s explore how you can do that while regulating your nervous system for greater emotional balance.
The Power of Connection
Emotionally Focused Therapy, developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, is rooted in the belief that humans are wired for connection. Secure, loving relationships are the foundation of emotional health. When we feel disconnected from loved ones or unsure of where we stand in our relationships, it’s easy for anxiety and stress to take over.
This year, consider prioritizing emotional connection as a foundation of your well-being. Here are some steps:
Turn Toward Each Other: Whether it’s your partner, a close friend, or a family member, make time for meaningful conversations. Put your phone away, give attention with body language, and ask open-ended questions like, “What’s been on your mind/heart lately?”
Express Vulnerability: Sharing your feelings can feel scary, but it’s often the quickest way to deepen a bond. Instead of saying, “I’m fine,” explore sharing what you feel, “I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed, and I’d love your support.”
Practice Emotional Attunement: Take a moment to check in with your loved ones by asking, “What’s something that’s been weighing on you or bringing you joy lately?” This creates space for them to share their inner world and feel heard without judgment.
By fostering connection, you create a sense of safety and belonging that can anchor you through life’s ups and downs.
Regulating Your Nervous System
Emotional connection and nervous system regulation go hand in hand. When we feel emotionally safe, our nervous system shifts out of "fight, flight, or freeze" mode and into a state of calm and openness. Conversely, when our nervous system is dysregulated, it’s harder to connect with others in meaningful ways.
Here are some strategies to regulate your nervous system:
Ground Yourself in the Present: Grounding techniques can help. Try the "5-4-3-2-1" exercise: Name 5 things you see, 4 things you feel, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you taste.
Practice Co-Regulation: Sometimes, the quickest way to calm your nervous system is to connect with someone else. A hug, a kind word, or even just sitting quietly with someone you trust can help.
Breathe Deeply: Deep, intentional breathing signals to your brain that you’re safe. Try this: Inhale for a count of 4, hold for 4, exhale for 6, and repeat several times.
Create Rituals of Rest: Whether it’s a morning cup of tea, a few minutes of meditation, or a nightly gratitude practice, small rituals can help your nervous system find a rhythm of calm amidst the chaos.
Setting Intentions with Heart
Instead of focusing on resolutions that emphasize “fixing” yourself, try setting intentions that align with your emotional needs and values. Ask yourself:
What brings me joy?
How can I nurture my relationships?
What helps me feel calm and grounded?
These questions can guide you toward a year that feels meaningful and manageable, rather than stressful and overwhelming.
Seeking Support
If you find yourself struggling with emotional disconnection or nervous system dysregulation, therapy can be a transformative space. EFT offers a roadmap for understanding and healing emotional patterns that keep you stuck. By working with an EFT therapist, you can learn how to create secure, loving connections and regulate your emotions more effectively.
Final Thoughts
The start of a new year is a wonderful opportunity to recommit to what matters most: your emotional health and your relationships. By focusing on connection and regulating your nervous system, you can build a foundation of security and love that carries you through whatever the year may bring. Remember, small steps make a big difference. Here’s to a year filled with growth, connection, and calm.
Connect with Sara Schramer, MA LCPC Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist in St. Charles, IL
Couples Therapy and Individual Therapy available.